30 weekly check-in questions for couples.
Honest, themed prompts to pick from when you don't want to freestyle: connection, friction, intimacy, the week ahead. Thirty you can rotate through.
The right question does half the work. Ask something too vague ("how are we doing?") and you'll get a vague answer. Ask something too specific ("why did you forget to call the plumber?") and you've started an argument, not a conversation.
Good check-in questions sit in the middle. They're open enough to let your partner answer honestly, specific enough to surface something real, and (this part matters) they don't assume an answer. If you're just getting started, the guide to weekly couples check-ins covers the basics.
Here are 30 questions organised by theme. You don't need to ask all of them. Pick 3–5 per week, or stick with the same core set and rotate a few extras in when a particular theme needs the attention. If you want a structured sheet to write on, there's a free printable relationship check-in template.
The essentials
These are the backbone, worth asking every week.
How are you feeling about us this week? It's direct, simple, and surprisingly hard to ask, and most couples never do.
Anything worth celebrating? Relationships are mostly made of small things, and noticing the good ones matters.
Any friction this week? Giving small irritations a regular outlet keeps them from compounding.
What's one thing you'd like from me this week? This one moves the conversation from reflection to action, where specific beats vague.
Did I follow through on what I said I'd do last week? It's accountability at its kindest: not "why didn't you", just "did it happen?"
Connection and closeness
These are for weeks when you want to check the emotional temperature.
When did you feel most connected to me this week? The answer highlights what's working and what's worth repeating.
When did you feel most distant? It isn't accusatory, just an honest read on the gap.
How much quality time did we actually get this week? "Quality" means undivided attention. Sitting in the same room scrolling doesn't count.
Is there anything you wanted to tell me this week but didn't? It makes room for the things that get swallowed.
What's something I did this week that you appreciated? Specific gratitude lands harder than generic "thanks for everything."
Friction and repair
These surface the stuff that's easy to avoid.
Is there anything unresolved between us? Sometimes the answer is no, which is good to confirm; sometimes it's not.
Did anything I said or did bother you this week? Asking this proactively is very different from waiting for it to come up in an argument.
Is there a pattern we keep repeating that you'd like to change? It zooms out from the incident to the system.
What could I have done differently this week? It invites constructive feedback without the defensiveness.
Are we fighting about the right things? Some conflicts are productive, and others are proxies for something else entirely.
Individual wellbeing
Your relationship exists inside two individual lives, so these check on the person, not just the partnership.
How are you doing, separate from us? This covers work, health, friendships, and headspace, because the relationship isn't the whole picture.
What's taking up the most mental space for you right now? It gives you your partner's context before you interpret their behaviour.
Is there something you need help with that you haven't asked for? People often carry things alone rather than ask for help, and this question does the asking for them.
Are you getting enough time for yourself? If the answer is no, that affects everything else.
What's one thing that would make your week easier? It's the most concrete question on the list, and the easiest to act on.
Intimacy and physical connection
These are for couples who want to talk about closeness beyond the emotional.
How are you feeling about our physical connection lately? It's open-ended enough to cover affection, touch, sex, or whatever's relevant.
Is there anything you'd like more of? It's direct without being clinical.
Is there anything you'd like less of? This one is equally important and harder to say.
Do you feel desired? Almost nobody gets asked this question, which is most of why it lands.
Future and shared goals
These are for weeks when you want to look ahead.
What are you most looking forward to? It keeps the conversation from being exclusively problem-focused.
Is there something we've been putting off that we should deal with? This is the practical stuff that tends to drift.
Are we on the same page about [specific thing]? Fill in the blank: finances, holiday plans, a family decision. Pick one per week.
What does a good week look like for us? It aligns expectations, so you're not measuring the week against different standards.
Where do you want us to be in six months? It's not a grand vision exercise, just a direction check.
What's one small thing we could change that would make daily life better? Small changes stick where big overhauls don't.
- Pick 3–5 questions per week, not all thirty.
- Keep the same essentials each week so you can see how things shift.
- Both partners answer the same questions each week.
How to use these questions
Don't treat this as a quiz. Pick a few that feel right for where your week has been. If it's been a hard week, reach for the friction and repair questions. If things are going well, the connection questions help you understand why, so you can do more of it.
The most important thing is that both partners answer the same questions. If only one person is reflecting, it's a monologue, not a check-in.
Some couples write their answers independently before sharing. This keeps one partner's answer from shaping the other's, and it takes the real-time reaction out of the moment of answering. That's how Kindred works (both partners answer independently, then see each other's responses at the same time), but you can do it with paper and a timer just as well.